Dating in New York City (Part 3)

First date stories continued! Read Part 1 and Part 2 here.

Within two minutes of meeting him at the bar he said, “It’s just so nice not to be recognized. I’m glad you don’t know who I am.” How would I know him, you ask? Well, as it turns out, he is a self-proclaimed celebrity. In Kentucky. According to him (and his instagram that I subsequently looked up), he is in the media industry, owns several bars and is in the process of filming a Netflix show. I have to admit, he was entertaining. But he was only in town for two days and I have no intention of living in Kentucky. In my opinion, this is worth mentioning prior to the date… 

He showed up in motorcycle pants, a Hawaiian shirt and puka shell bracelets. I tried not to stare. We had one very long glass of wine (the bartender was not getting the hint for the check.) About an hour in, Puka Shell Man decided we were officially dating, suggested several of our next outings and told me he would love to get through any problems or insecurities I have together. No seriously, where’s the check?

A (not so) British gentleman just moved to the area and we had a fun discussion on the neighborhood and American sports. On our way out of the bar, I explained I was only a couple blocks in one direction. He said great and walked off in the opposite direction. I thought I would never hear from him again. Instead the Brit decided to text me minutes later, as soon as I was out of sight. He said he thought I was adorable and he would love to see me again. Within 2 hours (and without any prompting, mind you) his texts became very inappropriate. Time to man up and say things in person. Make a move…but not through aggressive texts.

We went to a speakeasy and I enjoyed our conversation. We had so much in common, down to where our family lived. At the end of the date it was pouring rain. He had an umbrella and I did not. He offered to walk me to the subway. Then he stopped across the street from the subway entrance, gave me a quick hug and walked off with the umbrella. ‘Say no more’ I thought as I entered the subway soaking wet.

I’ll start by saying I did recognize him, but to be fair, when you are on the apps for a long time you see the same people over and over. Though I was surprised when I showed up at our agreed upon restaurant, he informed me that this was actually our second date. Admittedly, the first date still didn’t ring a bell. I asked him how it went and he said he thought it was a good date but that we didn’t talk after. Date 2.0 basically went the same way.
Update: He sent me another message very recently. He invited me to A. a string concert featuring Taylor Swift songs (I’ve actually already been to this) or B. an SMS party at “The Torture Garden,” depending on my mood. The man has quite the range! 

I was invited to dinner on our first date. This was obviously a method to impress. Steaks, martinis, dessert and port. He wanted me to know he was wealthy and wasn’t shy talking about it. After dinner, he said he knew the place with the best wine in the city, just a short walk away. He took me to his place (eye roll). Then he gave me a tour and showed off every single possession he owned, including the rug he had made specifically to match his blue eyes, his collection of watches with space meteor parts and the pièce de résistance, a huge painting over his bed that was commissioned to represent his DNA. I was giggling at this point and left before I finished my glass of wine.

I went on a date with Crazy Eyes not too far from my apartment. Not only were his eyes darting back and forth, but he liked to bend his head down and stare up at me? I not-so-subtly asked if he was on drugs and suggested that something was off. He said he gets that often! Apparently he thought it was going really well after the drug question, because he ripped my hand off the table to caress and hold it. I caught the bartenders snickering. He had done this three times by the end of the date so I was sitting on my hands and didn’t offer to walk him to his cab for fear of too many exposed limbs.